Beers and Beards: A Cozy Dwarf Tale

Chapter 13: A Salty Balin

I yawned and stretched; my arms still sore after yesterday’s intense dive. I turned to my bunk mate and called out. “Mornin! Time ta wake up!” A groan was the only reply as I jumped out of bed and shook myself awake. “Rise and shine! Today’s tha day!” I pulled on my clothes as Balin levered himself out of his bunk bed. Our small tent and bunk bed combo smelled faintly of bad B.O. and vomit. A collection of cloves and fruit in the corner were a gift from Bran after I’d bribed him with a recipe for spiced tarts. The makeshift potpourri only partially helped.

  “Yer too damn chippy in tha morning Pete.” Ballin blinked crusty red eyes. “It’s barely tha break o’ day! I dunno how ya roped me inta this.”

  I went to the small basin, filled it with water and began combing my beard. “Because Annie got out five months ago and yer desperate. How ya doin?” There had been another Blessing party last night with a plain old cake, this time for a miner named Drawl. I didn’t really know Drawl since I’ve been so busy with ‘The Project’.

“I’m fine. Jus’ give me a moment.”

  “Well good morning Fine, I’m Peter, nice ta meet ya!” I gave Balin a chipper grin as I brushed in the last of the beard oil.

  “Solen's socks Pete, even after seven months I barely understand ya.” Balin lumbered over and washed his face in the basin.

“Especially this Barck-brained scheme of yers. I still don’t understand what we’re doin.

  “You’ll see today.” I pulled on my boots and squared my shoulders. “Meet you at the pens!” Time to see if the last seven months were worth it! As I stepped out of the cabin into the eternal twilight of Minnova I gave my status a glance.

Status: Provided by the Firmament Name: Peter Phillips Samson Age: 48         

Conditions: None

Race: Dwarf

Blessings: [Strength of All: Self], [Strength of All: Held]

Titles: None

Milestones: [Outworlder], [Power Pick]

Strength 15.1

Vitality 15

Agility 11

Dexterity 11

Wisdom 12

Intelligence 12

Perception 13

Charisma 10

Quest Complete: A Friend in Need You did it! Good job!

Gained: 0.1 Strength

Quest: An Ore-Able Time Part 1/10

You’re stuck in a prison mine! Are you willing to mine your way to freedom?

Collect 100/100 Tonnes of Ore

Reward: [Power Pick]

Accept Quest? [Yes] / NoNew n𝙤vel chapters are published on

Quest Complete: An Ore-Able Time Part 1 Don’t you feel arm-azing?

Gained: [Power Pick]

Quest: An Ore-Able Time Part 2/10

You’re stuck in a prison mine! Are you willing to mine your way to freedom?

Collect 33.3/200 Tonnes of Ore

Reward: +0.1 Strength, +0.1 Vitality

Accept Quest? [Yes] / No  

Some subtle questioning of Doc Opal had revealed that quests appear to be unique to me. I suspect it may be the “gain milestones and blessings more easily” portion of [Outworlder]. I tried [Power Pick] for the first time yesterday and it does what it says on the tin. I am HE-DWARF and my pick HAS THE POWWEERR!! My pick strikes can shatter mountains, or at least very large stones! Speaking of Blessings, I pulled up another two blue message boxes. It seems I’m ‘Mr. Popular’ with the Gods this year.

The first one was from a few months ago.

Your dedication to gain the freedom of a friend from indenture has caught the attention of Aaron. Let freedom reign! Do you wish to receive His blessing? If you accept you will receive [Move in Aether] and [Sense Deals].

Do you accept? Yes / [No]

The second one was from yesterday.

You have fully immersed your spirit in a new world and caught the attention of Midna. Let your spirit grow to touch the spirit of others, Otherworlder! Do you wish to receive Her blessing?! If you accept you will receive [Soulsight] and [Truespeech].

Do you accept? Yes / No

I clicked ‘No ‘on the new one, as I had with all of them since I received Tiara’s blessing. So far, the only Gods I hadn’t gotten a blessing from were Lunara, Barck, and Archis. I likely haven’t done anything innovative enough for Barck, and haven’t learned enough for Archis. Lunara I don’t understand, haven’t I been a model citizen of this new world? I dodged some dwarves headed to the mines as I made my way to the goat pens. We nodded at each other though one out of the trio glowered at me, the nerve! Bran had turned Radlers into a daily option on the menu and I was dwarf non-grata among some of the chain gang. It wasn’t even my fault! Doc Opal was the one that suggested it! Alll those lessons had also netted me an additional one intelligence; I did like being able to see the results of my hard work!

  “Hello Piddles! Who’s a good boy? You are! You are!” the unigoat pens were mostly empty with only the off-yellow unigoat remaining. I gave his coat a brush as I glanced over at the reason I was here, a large trough sitting to the side of the goat pens. Balin and I had dedicated the last few months of our lives to that trough, and it had been a trough life.

While I’m not a mechanic and certainly no expert miner, I am an amateur chemist. You have to be if you want to be a successful brewer or vintner. Many years ago, back when I was fiddling around with my first meads in university, I spent some time on Youtube watching chemistry videos. One that always stood out to me was of an American knee deep in chicken shit talking about making gunpowder. The video was about “ensuring the government could never totally control violence”. Anyway, I thought it was really neat and tried making some gunpowder in my back yard. In retrospect I was probably on a list, but it was a lot of fun at the time! All I needed was some saltpeter, sulfur, and charcoal. I have intimate knowledge about a local supply of sulfur here in the mine, and charcoal is abundant, so all I needed was some saltpeter. Thankfully, there was a ready supply nearby!

The required ingredients were some super ripe animal poop, some urine, straw, and some way to contain it. The goats were happy to provide the poop and straw. The dwarves, with some encouragement and lots of beer, were willing to move the latrine to the goat pens. Balin and I had to promise to keep the pens clean for a year, and I think he may resent me a little for that, but it will all be worth it…

I was not planning to see what “An Ore-Able Time Part 10” looked like!

I checked the trough and it was gently steaming with a white crust on top. It looked ready to go! The mixture needed about 7 months or so to ‘ripen’ and we’d been out here weekly or daily mixing and observing. While there was a massive amount of goat-shit here it wasn’t actually going to provide too much saltpeter. Thankfully I only needed to do this once…. I hoped. Balin arrived at this moment with gumboots and a clothespin over his nose.

“Do you have the gloves?” I asked.

“Aye.” He passed me some heavy gloves. Our next few steps were pretty dangerous so we needed to be careful.

  Balin and I began to shovel the white crusty top of the trough into a spigotted barrel. It held a good amount, and was only about half full after we were done. We added a bit of straw and then began to fill the barrel with water. Balin and I took turns stirring for the next few hours as other dwarves came and went to the mine, giving us strange looks. They could laugh all they wanted now; soon we’d be unveiling a revolution in mining technology! Eventually we turned the tap and emptied the barrel into a large metal pan which we placed on a fire.

Boil and filter. Boil and filter. Boil and filter. Eventually the only thing left was a clear fluid filled with crystals.

That was when the blue box appeared again.

Through hard work and dedication you have brought forth a hidden material and caught the attention of Tiara! She wishes to grant you her Blessing! If you accept you will receive a title!

Do you accept?

Yes/No

I mentally clicked on ‘No’ and the feeling passed, but Balin began to glow. He closed his eyes, and a feeling of ecstasy passed over his face. He opened his eyes and stared at me.

“Peter! We did it! I got a Blessin for it!”

“Congratulations!” We danced and hugged for a moment before we broke apart in disgust. Both of us were covered in feces and reeked. “We did! It’s not perfect, but it will hopefully be good enough for the next steps!” We danced for joy; seven months of raking through goat poop, and we had been suitably rewarded!

“So, what is this stuff, what did ya call it? Salty Peter? Why’s it named after you, couldn’t we call it Saltbalin?” We both paused and considered that before we shuddered. “Mebbe not.”

“Yup! It’s also called Potassium Nitrate!” I smiled at the result of our months of hard work: A collection of white crystals in a metal pan.

“Ah, Potassium Nitrate! Right right. Wait….” Balin’s eyes grew clouded, and he grabbed my shoulder. “Didja say Potassium Nitrate?” His grip tightened, a far off look in his eyes.

“Yeah? What’s up Balin, that hurts!”

“Follow me, Pete.”

Balin led me a little-ways away from the camp, closer towards the side of the cavern wall. There was a large cave mouth there that was separate from the main mine. He led me inside and we activated the solstones on our ever-present mining helmets. The inside of the cave was FILLED with a white powdery substance on the floors and walls.

“Wow! A saltpeter mine! I can’t believe this is here!” I gaped as I looked around, if there was this much potassium nitrate, we’d be fine for years! We didn’t need to do that stupid trench anymore!

We…

Didn’t…

Need…

I turned to look at Balin, who was advancing on me with murder in his eyes.

“What’s wrong? Are ya… Salty, Balin?” I gulped. Then I ran; eleven agility, don’t fail me now!